Redefining the stock market with laugh ’til you cry – or stop crying – definitions.
BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no new electronic toys.
BROKER — What my broker has made me.
BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
CASH FLOW — The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO — Corporate Fraud Officer.
FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.
P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use. [Actually a code word for what only CFO’s, CEO’s and Brokers gain from YOUR investments, always have and always will.]
STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.
WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
To your economic survival!
PS: If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.
But—- if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer in a can, drank it all, then turned in the aluminum cans for a recycling refund, you will have $214.00.