Let’s make one joint resolution for 2012.  We won’t let toxic people – persistently negative personalities – dictate our lives.

I chanced on a book that can’t be judged by the black border that swallows the cover…or the year it was first published (1999). The content is more current than the evening news. Stop suffering! Here’s the link to learn more + reviews.

How to Hug a Porcupine: Dealing With Toxic & Difficult to Love Personalities

How to deal with Toxic People

5.0 out of 5 stars Life-Changing Book, April 22, 2001

Dr. Lund’s book is one of the most influential books I have read. The subtitle to the book is “Dealing with Toxic and Difficult to Love Personalities.” His prior book “The Art of Giving and Receiving Criticism,” contained some of the information in this current book, but “How to Hug a Porcupine” is better organized and more concise.

The book spends a large amount of time in identifying the characteristics of “emotional porcupines.” These emotional porcupines are usually people that seek to control their lives and the lives of others. They constantly throw emotional quills and consequently are difficult to hug without impaling one’s self. The most interesting part of the book is on how to live with a “porcupine.” The strength of this self-help book is that it gives you concrete ways to protect and arm yourself from the damaging quills of emotional porcupines.

Soon after reading this book, I changed my cell phone to read “No Critics”, to remind me of the damage that any criticism (there is no such thing as constructive criticism according to Lund) can do to others and to remind me to not criticize.

Dr. Lund’s book is full of insight and, most importantly, methods on how to improve yourself if you are a porcupine and also on how to deal with porcupines without damaging your own ego. Dr. Lund also has a tape out that covers similar material, but I believe was recorded well before he wrote this book. This is a book that can help anyone in their relationships with children, siblings, parents or spouses.

How to Hug a Porcupine: Dealing With Toxic & Difficult to Love Personalities

___________________

How To Hug a Porcupine should be read by every person who is in or has been in a toxic relationship. I found this book to be one of the most inspiring self-help books I have ever read. I found it difficult to read at times, because I felt I was reliving my past. Dr. Lund starts out with a very detailed Table of Contents, outlining every chapter. There are numerous case studies, I appreciated the fact that they didn’t always work out like the textbook said they should. There are quizzes to take. Specific step-by-step directions on how to help you become a more healthy person despite the porcupines in your life. Dr. Lund helps you learn how to use “armored gloves and other tools” in dealing with any toxic person – young, old, spouse, child. I have found many useful ideas in helping me become a more healthy person. This book is awesome, I highly recommend it!

How to Hug a Porcupine: Dealing With Toxic & Difficult to Love Personalities

___________________

5.0 out of 5 stars Dr Lund helped me survive living with an abusive person for so long….

Dr. John Lund, in his book How to Hug a Porcupine outlines the steps to living with someone who is difficult to love, toxic to be around and or abusive to you and others. 

5.0 out of 5 stars Great book! Potential life changer.

Great book for content. My wife and I are reading it and we are learning some good things to try in or marriage. Read more.

5.0 out of 5 stars Wow…

I love this book. It discusses all types of people, & situations. I bought it primarily to gain some thoughts & insights about one of my daughters…

How to Hug a Porcupine: Dealing With Toxic & Difficult to Love Personalities

How to Hug a Porcupine: Dealing with Toxic People originally appeared on Rights Radio™ with Dr. Joyce Starr - An Independent Voice on January 12, 2012.

I wrote the following letter to our property manager following an incident with our condo security company.  The security company owner apologized and the guard in question was removed from our property.  Both the property manager and owner agreed that his behavior was unacceptable.

Do you have security guard stories to share?  Please use our comment form.  We’d love to hear from you.

I want to file a complaint  against the security guard who was on duty last night.

I used the flashing lights on my car  around 6:15 pm, but failed to turn them off.  The lights were flashing when I returned to the condo at 6:30 pm (when it was still light out) until 9:00 pm, when a resident phoned me.  She noticed the lights from her window and warned that my battery was draining.

In fact, by the time I reached the car, the battery was dead.

It was impossible for the security guard to miss the flashing lights, since I’m parked near the entrance to the building.

He undoubtedly saw them blinking for several hours while he circled the parking lot.  But he didn’t bother to phone me.

I found him riding around in his little vehicle, no more than 30 feet from my car. I demanded to know why he failed to alert me. The guard replied: “It’s not my job. My job is to stop cars that shouldn’t park here.”

WHAT?  I then said, “It’s your job to warn residents if their lights are on.  You work for us.  WE pay your
salary.”

He said: “No, it isn’t my job.  If I have free time, then I might do something.  But it’s the resident’s problem, not mine.”

I waved down a passing cab and asked for help.  Our security guard watched with amusement while the cab driver jumped my car with cables I had on hand.

Another owner left her parking lights on several months ago.  But the guard on duty that night never phoned.  How much effort could it possibly be?  Clearly, our security guards think they work for bricks and mortar, not for the people who pay their salaries.

A security guard also plastered a visitor’s car with the type of warning stickers that can’t easily be removed.  What’s wrong with this picture?  The visitor had a temporary parking permit hanging in clear site!

Imagine if there was a life-threatening emergency? How fast would our guard would he drive his little cart in the opposite direction?

Respectfully,

Dr. Joyce Starr

Condo Security Guards: Your Rights – Their Responsibilities originally appeared on Rights Radio™ with Dr. Joyce Starr - An Independent Voice on December 21, 2011.

I was shocked, because there was no public connection between us.

Our “private” communications were limited to a half-dozen recent emails about my latest book project.

He had a LinkedIn account/profile, but hadn’t updated it for over a year.

When I told him about the LinkedIn email, ” he promptly deleted his account.

We concluded that LinkedIn might be using spyware to: 1) harvest my email contacts and/or 2) scanned my recent emails when I clicked a link in one of their emails.

And then it happened again.

LinkedIn sent me an email asking if I knew the tech support person at a company that hosts one of my websites.

I wrote and asked him how LinkedIn could possibly know about our recent “private” communications. Again, there is no public connection whatsoever.

He wrote back with a bombshell: “A few days ago I went on the LinkedIn webpage to start an account. The last step shows a list of people you may know based on the e-mail address that you have entered — which means that it must go through the e-mail history in order to see who else from those email addresses matches a LinkedIn account. I actually decided not to join Linkedin because of the fact that I didn’t like it was already making suggestions for me before I even signed up for an account.”

How could LinkedIn could suggest his name to me – and my name to him – us unless they scanned my email history and preserved the information in a database, or alternatively, could somehow scan his email contacts without even sending him an email.

I don’t have answers, only questions.  If you know more, please share it with our readers.

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Rights Radio.com features “Homeland Security Begins at Home” with Cyberterrorism Expert David Gewirtz on November 5, 2008. Topic: Stop Cyber Threats & Identity Theft Attacks on Your Home or Office. Guest: Dr David Gewirtz (ZATZ.com), prolific author, Cyberterrorism Advisor for the International Association for Counterterrorism and Security Professionals and a columnist for …

Warning: Is LinkedIn using spyware to harvest private email contacts? originally appeared on Rights Radio™ with Dr. Joyce Starr - An Independent Voice on December 16, 2011.

Europeans ban US body scanners.

The controversy over airport body scanners – and how safe they are – is taking on new urgency after European authorities this month banned the machines after studies linked them to a small number of cancer cases.

The same type of backscatter scanners, which emit low-level radiation, are used at dozens of U.S. airports, including Fort Lauderdale, Hollywood and Orlando international airports.

Sari Koshetz, spokeswoman for the Transportation Security Administration, said it wouldn’t be appropriate to comment on the Nov. 14 decision by the European Commission, which affects all airports in Europe. But she maintains the scanners are safe, even for pregnant women and children.

“We rigorously test our technology to ensure it meets our high detection and safety standards before it is placed in airports,” she said.

Still, Steve Landes, director of the South Florida Airline Commuters Association, which has several hundred frequent flier members, said those who have to fly two to three times a week might want to avoid the scanner.

“Let’s put it this way, I would have to be a fool to say I wouldn’t have any concerns,” said Landes, of Boyton Beach.

The backscatter scanners use low-level radiation to detect dangerous items, notably explosives, on passengers. The TSA also uses a second type of scanner that relies on millimeter-wave technology, or radio waves, to search for dangerous items.

Those machines, which health authorities consider to be safer, have been installed at eight commercial airports in Florida, including those in Miami and Palm Beach.

Koshetz said the decision to install the radiation-emitting backscatter scanners in Fort Lauderdale in May 2010 was “complex” and involved numerous factors, including checkpoint configuration and the availability of those scanners at the time.

Helping to convince European authorities to impose the ban was a recent PBS Newshour/ProPublica report, which said: “Research suggests that anywhere from six to 100 U.S. airline passengers each year could get cancer from the machines.” Scientific American also ran a story, detailing the results of the PBS/ProPublic investigation.

The report follows previous studies that had also concluded the scanners could trigger cancer cases among the tens of millions of passengers who pass through airports each year.

 

Only 300 dangerous or illegal items

With more than 250 backscatter scanners at 100 of the busiest U.S. airports, only 300 “dangerous or illegal” items have been identified since January 2010.  The TSA doesn’t won’t tell us how many were actually dangerous.  What were the costs in dollars and cancer risk per each dangerous item?

Airport Scanners – European Commission Bans US Backscatter Scanners – Cancer Risks originally appeared on Rights Radio™ with Dr. Joyce Starr - An Independent Voice on December 1, 2011.

Rates were hiked by over 5 percent annually in our low interest economy.

The purported reason: Too many cardholders were walking away from their obligations. Or so American Express said.

Naturally, the company beat recent estimates with a fantastic quarter in October, 2011 by borrowing low and charging high. (What a surprise.)

Small business owners tend to carry a higher monthly balance, with carry-over.  Those who continued to pay their monthly bill on time were penalized, and economic life became even more difficult.  With the increase in rates, hundreds of thousands (or perhaps millions) of cardholders might never catch up to their debt.

American Express made out like a …bank… on the backs of loyal cardholders.

While American Express rates still remain substantially lower than the competition, there is no excuse for a 15 to 22 percent/plus interest rate by any credit card company – especially on customers with excellent payment records.  But who is going to stop them?

American Express told cardholders: If you don’t accept the increase, you can close the card,  but you must pay the remaining balance due – with heavy interest of course.

Perhaps it’s time for closer scrutiny.

Here’s what American Express said in 2010:

“We still face the challenge of high unemployment levels, depressed real estate values, and shrunken household balance sheets, but the overall economy and our company are in stronger shape than they were a year ago,” said Chairman and Chief Executive Kenneth I. Chenault.  Shares  were trading at $41.81.

By October, 2011, earnings had risen to over $1.00 per share, the company was worth more than $5.7 billion and their stock prices exceeded $52 at it’s October high – more than a 30% percent increase.  Shareholders were celebrating.  Cardholders….not so much.

Credit Card Company Beats Wall Street Estimates by Raising Interest Rates originally appeared on Rights Radio™ with Dr. Joyce Starr - An Independent Voice on November 6, 2011.

Thomas Jefferson said in 1802:  “I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all property – until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered.”

THOMAS JEFFERSON…

At 5, began studying under his cousin’s tutor.

At 9, studied Latin, Greek and French.

At 14, studied classical literature and additional languages.

At 16, entered the College of William and Mary.

At 19, studied Law for 5 years starting under George Wythe.

At 23, started his own law practice.

At 25, was elected to the Virginia House of Burgesses.

At 31, wrote the widely circulated “Summary View of the Rights of British America ” and retired from his law practice.

At 32, was a Delegate to the Second Continental Congress.

At 33, wrote the Declaration of Independence.

At 33, took three years to revise Virginia s legal code and wrote a Public Education bill and a statute for Religious Freedom.

At 36, was elected the second Governor of Virginia succeeding Patrick Henry.

At 40, served in Congress for two years.

At 41, was the American minister to France and negotiated commercial treaties with European nations along with Ben Franklin and John Adams.

At 46, served as the first Secretary of State under George Washington.

At 53, served as Vice President and was elected president of the American Philosophical Society.

At 55, drafted the Kentucky Resolutions and became the active head of Republican Party.

At 57, was elected the third president of the United States.

At 60, obtained the Louisiana Purchase doubling the nation’s size.

At 61, was elected to a second term as President.

At 65, retired to Monticello.

At 80, helped President Monroe shape the Monroe Doctrine.

At 81, almost single-handedly created the University of Virginia and served as its first president.

 At 83, died on the 50th anniversary of the Signing of the Declaration of Independence.
John F. Kennedy held a dinner in the white House for a group of the brightest minds in the nation at that time. He made this statement: “This is perhaps the assembly of the most intelligence ever to gather at one time in the White House with the exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone.”

When we get piled upon one another in large cities, as in Europe, we shall become as corrupt as Europe.    Thomas Jefferson

The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.    Thomas Jefferson

It is incumbent on every generation to pay its own debts as it goes.  A principle which if acted on would save one-half the wars of the world.    Thomas Jefferson

I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them.      Thomas Jefferson

My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from too much government.      Thomas Jefferson

No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.      Thomas Jefferson

The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.      Thomas Jefferson

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.      Thomas Jefferson

To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.      Thomas Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson said in 1802: I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies.  If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all property – until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered.

Thomas Jefferson – Banks are more dangerous than standing armies. originally appeared on Rights Radio™ with Dr. Joyce Starr - An Independent Voice on October 18, 2011.

However, less widely known is a Pride of lions, a Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens), an Exaltation of doves and, presumably because they look so wise, a Parliament of owls.

Now consider a group of Baboons. They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates. And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons?

Believe it or not . . . a Congress!

You just can’t make this stuff up.

“Life’s tough . . . it’s even tougher if you’re stupid.” — John Wayne

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.  — Mark Twain

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.   — John Adams

(Courtesy of Dr. David Goldenberg.)

Pride of Lions, Gaggle of Geese, Exaltation of Doves & Congress of… originally appeared on Rights Radio™ with Dr. Joyce Starr - An Independent Voice on October 18, 2011.

[Dr. Goldenberg is the author of Creating Condo & Homeowner Association Documents and The Art of War 3: Canons of Commerce.]

Here’s a mutually exclusive and exhaustive list of the broad families of strategies to deal with the current U.S. economic crisis. Which would you prefer? Tell your Congressmen.

I. Dabble and dither: This is our current strategy. Both political parties persist in offering variations of this inferior choice. Why inferior? Because the specific proposals either address only part of the problem or are economically unsound or ineffective. Each political party takes turns proposing treatment(s) which the other adamantly opposes. Relying primarily on an austerity program, a special case of fiscal policy, is one example. A dabbling and dithering strategy enables politicians to avoid doing anything they might later regret personally while allowing them to continue to hope that the problem eventually will evaporate without changing the status quo.

II. Devalue: Previously known as inflation or printing money wherein worthless dollars are used to pay off our debts. This special case of monetary policy simply would make things much worse. (Monetary policy is the exclusive province of the Federal Reserve Bank. But the Fed recently admitted that it has all but exhausted the power of monetary policy except for devaluation. Presumably the Fed hopes that some other policy set [fiscal, human, …] or combination will do the job. Finding that set is up to some other part(s) of the government. Viewed positively, this is an opportunity to earn lots of curses in Mandarin.)

III. Dump on other countries: Boost our economy by exporting more. Exports are such a tiny part of our economy that even tripling exports wouldn’t help much. Besides, the potential target countries are too weak economically to buy so vast a quantity of exports.

IV. Default: renege on the prior commitment to repay the debt and interest on it. Defaulting not only would cause a long and deep global recession but also would ruin the U.S. dollar’s reputation as having the world’s safest currency.

V. Destroy: World War II brought the world out of the Great Depression. But a replay is unaffordable today in both blood and treasure.

VI. Daring: Several generations of ignorant, desperate and apathetic voters allowed short-sighted, self-serving politicians to unintentionally create this mess. A consensus of experts’ recommendations is more likely to get us out of this mess than any proposals by the politicians who caused it or let it happen.

© 2011 David I. Goldenberg, Ph.D. Boynton Beach, FL USA

US Economic Crisis Options: Dabble, dither, dump, default, destroy or be daring originally appeared on Rights Radio™ with Dr. Joyce Starr - An Independent Voice on September 25, 2011.

Salary of House/Senate ………………….. $174,00​0 FOR LIFE

Salary of Speaker of the House ………… $223,500 FOR LIFE

Salary of Majority/Minority Leaders ……. $193,400 FOR LIFE

Average Salary of a teacher ……………. $40,065 per year

Average Salary of a solder DEPLOYED IN AFGHANISTAN….$38,000 per year

How do we stop the violence and plundering  by our elected officials?  No one wonder they fight so hard to get elected.  One year in Congress is job security for life.

Salaries for Life for President and Congress: The People 0 originally appeared on Rights Radio™ with Dr. Joyce Starr - An Independent Voice on September 19, 2011.

The following article was authored and shared with our readers by Florida foreclosure expert, attorney Evan Rosen.  I interviewed Evan on the foreclosure process, specifically: how banks and third-party groups foreclose on homes without proper documents – and ways you can stop them.  Enjoy the audio and Evan Rosen’s insightful article below. ~ Dr. Joyce Starr

Understanding the Foreclosure Process

by Attorney Evan Rosen

We all regularly hear about the “foreclosure crisis” going on in our country but what you may not know is that the situation in Florida is far worse than in any other state. According to the latest statistics released by the Mortgage Banker’s Association, Florida accounts for 23.7% of all foreclosures nationwide; which correlates to 466,454 homes. Not only is this the largest number of any other state, it is larger than the total number of loans in 22 other states combined. The result is our courts are backed up with a caseload of 260,185 cases. Couple that with the termination of special court funding for foreclosure cases which took effect on July 1st and it appears the crisis in Florida is only getting worse.

So how did this backlog swell to such an enormous figure? Why does it take so long for a bank to foreclose?

This was not always the case, right? Well, we know that before Wall Street started selling shares of stocks in pools of mortgages through a process known as securitization, foreclosures could be handled within a few months. Now, in great part due to the banks’ rush to profit and lack of proper simple documentation required in any real estate or mortgage transfer, as well as the lack of complicated documentation required as a result of the securitization process, no one knows how long some cases will take because in many instances no one can properly prove who is entitled to foreclose.

Like every other plaintiff in any civil lawsuit, the plaintiff has the burden to prove all elements of their case by a “preponderance” or greater weight of the evidence. In a foreclosure action, the entity entitled to foreclose must successfully prove by this standard, among other things, that they are the proper party; the entity or person actually entitled to receive payments due under the terms of the note; and/or the party entitled to foreclose under the terms of the mortgage.

This is generally referred to as “legal standing” and often, the banks cannot prove they have it. What follows is a chart illustrating the time periods in the pre-foreclosure and foreclosure process in Florida.

PRE-FORECLOSURE TIMELINE

Day 1 Payment due, no payment made
Day 7-1 Call from Lender/Mortgage Servicer
Day 16 Late charges begin to accrue
Day 20-25 Call and letter from Lender/Mortgage Servicer
Day 30 Default reported to Credit Bureaus; Lender/Mortgage Servicer sends second letter
Day 40 Lender/Mortgage Servicer sends letter with payment options
Day 60 Lender/Mortgage Servicer sends demand letter or “Acceleration Notice,” Credit Bureaus update their reports.
Day 90 Lender/Mortgage Servicer sends file to attorney, Credit Bureaus update their reports
Day 90+ Any time after 90 days the entity claiming their entitlement to foreclose can file suit. In a scenario in which the entity seeking to foreclose is not the same entity as the original mortgagee or lender, and with competent counsel, this process alone can take more than 12 months.

FORECLOSURE TIMELINE

Day 1 Complaint and Lis Pendens are filed and served with a summons on the property owner.
Day 20 A responsive pleading is due. If not filed, plaintiff moves for default judgment. With competent legal counsel, there can be a multitude of legitimate issues raised via motions, hearings, and discovery requests which would extend this time period greatly.
Day 45 – 60 (If not represented by competent counsel) – Court schedules hearing for default judgment and at the hearing enters final judgment of foreclosure. By statute, the court should order the sale of the property on a specified day within 20-35 days of the order. However, sales can still lawfully take place later than 35 days and are sometimes taking many months after the order is entered.
Day 80 – 95 (If not represented by competent counsel) – Notice of Sale published once a week for two consecutive weeks in local publication, with last posting at least 5 days prior to sale; auction sale conducted; winning bidder applies 5% deposit from funds advanced electronically prior to sale and then pays the rest by noon the following day. Dade, Broward and Palm-Beach Counties conduct their auctions online. Certificate of Sale is filed “promptly” after sale and Right of Redemption ends when certificate of sale is filed.
Day 105 (If not represented by competent counsel) – Ten days after filing Certificate of Sale, Certificate of Title is issued – Title vests, no further action necessary unless property is still occupied.
Day 106 -119 (If not represented by competent counsel) – 1 -14 days after Certificate of Title issues, if property still occupied, sheriff issues Notice to Vacate.
Day 119 – 140 (If not represented by competent counsel) – 1 – 21 days after Notice to Vacate, sheriff vacates the property.

If, on the other hand, the entity seeking to foreclose is not the same entity as the original mortgagee or lender, and the owner has retained competent counsel, this process can take years, if the bank is ever able to foreclose.

The above is just an overview to help understand the current state of the foreclosure process. For more details or if you have any questions or comments, you are welcome to call or e-mail the author of this article for more information.

Evan M. Rosen
Rosen & Rosen, P.A.
4000 Hollywood Blvd, #725-S
Hollywood, FL 33021
954-981-1852(Phone)
erosen[at]rosenandrosen.com
www.rosenandrosen.com

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Foreclosure Process Inside Story. Attorney Evan Rosen: Why Banks are Slow to Foreclose. originally appeared on Rights Radio™ with Dr. Joyce Starr - An Independent Voice on August 29, 2011.